He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
this hospital has no fireball
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
