remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
