So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
