There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
