I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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