You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
