I am in a vortex of obligation.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
