This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
