if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
