I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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