No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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