Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
