No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
