We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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