that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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