you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
