I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
