Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Are we still banned from the library?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
