Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
