his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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