It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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