so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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