he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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