My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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