This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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