This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
