i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
