Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
