Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
