When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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