Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
