Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
