saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just come out here and I will go home with you...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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