i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
