He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
