i jhust puked up my retainher.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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