Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Mom said you looked used
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
