we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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