Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
