batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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