When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
where am i from again
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
