eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
