My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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