Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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