Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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