I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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