Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
