I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
