Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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