I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
