guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
