I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
